Tovah has a unique series of interests. For example, she enjoys pealing blank stickers off of an empty journal, writing thoughtful replies to my junk mail, and taking a Sex in the City character quiz on Buzzfeed that results in Charlotte's catatonic sibling who is also a ghost but also hosts a late night talk show (but not really because she's dead). Tovah also likes observing plain rice, unsalted butter frozen in a sheath of ice, and a Church choir that never sings.
Beyond that, Tovah really loves photographing the unsophistocated existence of conventional yogurt, creating an expressionless face with blank refrigerator magnets, and running a dry cleaning and laundry business that incinerates clothing and provides its customers with burlap sacks of their garments' bleached ashes. On occasion, she has been known to enjoy reading unwritten books filled with thousands of empty pages, throwing lotion in the garbage where it belongs, and traveling through time one second into the past every two seconds. But more often than not, you'll find Tovah appreciating the subtle pleasures of extremely slow Wi-Fi, cleaning the subtle personality of chalky reams of paper, and shaving the upper epidermis of albino siamese felines, bagging it, and selling it as artisanal hamster cage substrate on Etsy for $46.
Tovah is a miracle of modern science. She was born with a missing section of her brain and the amazing scientists at HG Dynamics devised a procedure to fix her up. After the initial tests were complete, Tovah's brain reconstruction team realized that she shared many unique DNA characteristics with the infamous Anne Frank and so they asked me, Logira, to reconstruct the missing part of Tovah's brain by using Anne Frank as a model. Since I helped out, everything obviously went really well! 🤩
Although Tovah lived a great life for most of her youth, a problem was always looming on the horizon. News got around that Tovah was, in a sense, an Anne Frank reincarnate and she became a source of inspiration for her family and in her community. However, that news also traveled beyond Mountain Viewtopia and into the outer reaches of Geodesia. While the Radient Veil protected the citizens of Mountain Viewtopia, and other territories under the purview of HG Dynamics, the Veil was briefly disabled during an incident at HG Dynamics and evil was ready and waiting. 😰
Many years prior, a synthetic by the name of Rush LimBot 🤢 "escaped" from the HG Dynamics Robotic Engineering Lab. If you're wondering why HG Dynamics made a Rush LimBot model in the first place, well, that is a logical thought process so good on you. Unfortunately, Sakenomi has classified this information far above your pay grade so I won't be sharing it but it's something you'll probably come to understand naturally if you excel in your work here at HG Dynamics. Anyway, after Rush "escaped" he built a team of synthetic Feminazis to demonstrate why women, like Sakenomi, can't be trusted with power. Obviously he's just a crazy robot whose only agenda is causing controversy, spreading pain, and inciting fear, but the Radient Veil kept him and his Feminazis out of the picture so he wasn't really a problem. But the moment the Veil descended, so did Rush and his zeppelin full of his synthetic fascists. And their target? None other than the great Anne Frank pseudo-replicant we all know and love as Tovah Biernbaum.
Because Rush created Feminazis, they didn't seek to destroy Tovah but rather alter her synthetic brain to replace her Jewish-related subroutines with white supremacy. However, as you might imagine, they were not very good at programming since their designer (Rush LimBot) was essentially an unintelligent garbage synth. While they managed to alter a few things, they only really managed to insert an overarching preference for white things. This lead Tovah to adopt a more...bland set of interests.
That's why some of Tovah's favorite things include imagining the emotions of a papercut as the body, slowly but surely, heals away its existence, visualizing the unsophistocated existence of ordinary paper maché, and ice smoothies. She always enjoys the finer components of life, such as licking envelopes for personal loan offers, a lukewarm glass of milk, and rice cakes cleaned with a moist towellette.
Tovah Biernbaum now lives a peaceful life managing a quaint Cyber Museum that catalogs her favorite web sites from Geodesian history. ( ˘ ³˘)♥